The therapy of getting to know yourself

I do my best thinking when I run.  It seems to be the only time that I can do the two things that I need the most simultaneously and feel like a million bucks when I am done.  I just got back from a four mile run through the neighborhood that was initiated by me wanting to feed  my deep, depressed feelings with food. I knew that if I stayed at home I was going to try to make myself snap out of my funk with sugar and carbs...so for once, I chose right and laced up the sneakers.

Now before I get into the revelation that I had within the forty minutes I was gone, i need to back track just a little.  Well a week actually.  The last week of June was the week that I had been excited yet crazed about for months!  It started with it being the week of my daughters dance recital, which involves a years worth of work, thousands of dollars being invested and one manic child who cannot wait to put on her make up, costumes, and dance shoes and do what she does best.  Then, just because that wasn't enough, we decided that it would be the week that we would host our 1st Annual 5k Fun Run.  We had a fantastic theme being the Red Carpet Run, great tee shirts, props and an awesome venue.  We scheduled a pre-race packet pick up party and went all out.  I was so excited to be using my part time business of fitness and helping others get healthy into my full time career environment. But the weather was terrible and many of the volunteers didn't show.  We had to move the modified course indoors for our residents who are all a part of the ID population and require a little extra TLC.  And on top of all of it, there were two birthday parties and fathers day.  The point of all of this being, that I had to be at my best for all of it.  There was not one part of the week where I was not running at full speed performance level. So then Sunday night rolls around and into Monday and I am dragging.  My body doesn't want to do a lot and my mind wants to do even less.  I feel like I have a dark cloud hanging over me that is starting to suck me in.  I start slacking on my meal prepping, I am not at full speed with my workouts, and my work performance feels like I am taking a back seat when I should be in hustle mode since its the last week in my old position, and starting Monday, I become part of the administration.  It should be exciting...but I'm not feeling it.

So I'll take it back even just a little further, just for a minute.  My education and career is about people. It's about personalities, working with them, teaching them, motivating them, everything!  But I have never been able to do this with myself consciously until today.  Well tonight actually, as I was running.  I started to piece it all together.   I learned yesterday during a course I was taking that I was an enthusiast. That I thrive off of positive energy, that I like to give everything my all, especially when its new and exciting.  I get easily board with the small tasks because I like to think big - dream big - and make stuff happen.  Not by planning, more just by doing.  I like to go into a crowded room and take control of it.  Funny thing about me though is that I hate one on one conversation and find it completely awkward but I can handle a room like a pro.  weird...I know. 

So today, as I was running I was thinking about what I learned yesterday in this class I took and something I learned about a couple years ago and paid no mind too.  I am an enthusiast introvert.  I didn't know what it was or how it applied to me but I realized today that just because those are the types of environments and events that I crave and live for, they are not where I get my energy.  My energy comes from being away from all that, being with my family, curling up with a book, running with nothing but my music, playing with my children with no agenda. Thats where it builds and then when it's showtime, I m able to put it all out there and give it all that stored energy so that it exceeds my expectations when it comes to life experiences and that I make it an awesome memory.  But after that, I need to pull it back in and recharge in my little bubble. I often thought of this feeling I have right now as depression, and I am sure that in some capacity it is. Likely in medical terms, its the serotonin in my brain being depleted and needing to replenish, which is in fact depression. However tonight, after realizing that this is how my personality has always been and that these "depressive" bouts are usually preceded by major things that require me to be "ON" that I may be able to have better control of it.  I can see it for what it is and not use the excuse that I am a stress eater or that I feed my depression with food.  It's just part of my cycle, part of me, and a part that I am finally able to see and be aware of!  I feel like by coming to this realization, I can get through it and get out it quicker.  By doing the activities that are mindless yet good for the soul, I can recoup faster.  I feel like getting to understand me and how I work can be a game changer in mood swings and in my recovery!  

Managing the stress of special needs

I love my kids more than anything but as a full time working mom of three,  I am going CRAZY trying to manage all the appointments.   My children each have their own special needs that have to be managed.  Gavin with his EoE and eight hundred issues a week that come with it,  Olivia for her anxiety and attention seeking behavior that only seems to get worse with Gavin's ever growing list,  and Lily who we haven't even started with yet because she's the lesser of the evils at this point and I pray she starts to normalize with a little extra love and some discipline.   How in the world do you find the time and energy a parent to do it all!!??!!

1.  Be blessed
You can and will manage things.  Take a deep breath every morning before jumping into the day and say thank you and just lost through all that you are grateful for.  This keeps your inner strength going and focused on what is going right versus what is really hard work.  Everyday I'm grateful for the hugs and kisses my babies give me.  I'm grateful for the ability to do the best I can with what I have.  I'm grateful for a body that is capable of being pushed and challenged.  And I'm grateful for those around me who understand my madness and not only support me but allow me to support them. 

Be present in each moment and enjoy it for everything it has.  Even if it is as simple as brushing your child's hair and getting  her dressed.  Make that your focus 100% and be blessed it is pastor your day.   This will help you appreciate so much more!

2.  Prioritize your priorities constantly. 
I am always rearranging what is more important at the moment.  There is always a list of what must get done,  what should get done, and what can wait.   Dishes,  laundry, and other things that take me away from  the top two teirs are things that can wait!  It means I have to be ok with clutter sometimes but I've learned to handle that! 

3.  Meditate or do something for you everyday!
Parents, this is HUGE !!! you have to be in a good spot mentally to be able to handle the madness of being a parent... Not to mention the parent of children that may need a little more than the average.  This means taking are of your body and mind.  Fuel it with the proper foods for energy and health,  push your  body to exercise and get strong physically to prove that you can mentally.  And even if it's just for 60 seconds a day... BREATHE!!!  Whether it's before a task that you need to vigilantly focus on or just to decompress, inhale all that is good and exhale the negative thoughts and actions that are going on inside you.

4. Get organized
I'm not an organized person by nature.   I have notes everywhere.  I am spontaneous with my actions and run with ideas immediately before they lose their momentum.  This type of personality can lead to a little stress when it comes to neat and orderly.  My advice... Or at least what I do to keep it together is this:
-keep one electronic calendar in your phone of everybody's stuff.   And set notifications 48 hours in advance so you can make arrangements if you forget it was scheduled.
-keep a separate notebook or calendar for each topic or child.  For example,  I have a mini planner that goes with me to all of Gavin's appointments.  If something happens during the days,  like a reaction,  I write it down on the day it occurred.  This gives me one thing to bring and maintain when it comes to his health. 
-maintain a separate planner for your business day.  Since I work full-time,  I have a planner of my work hours and what I doing during those 8 hours a day.  Since I also run a home business that I am busting my butt to be successful,  I maintain a seperate planner with my coaching business info in.  

These things do not make for a smooth day without bumps or confusion but they make it work for me with the ability to keep my insanity intact.   I have been able to subcategorize my life and my roles and I keep them divided in order to keep them running efficiently.  However pulling it all together to just allow me to me me sometimes is where I personally struggle.  I feel like some day that will be able to become a part of my personal development plan bit for today,  I need to do my best for them and these are the priorities. 

We have to be superheros!  Sorry parents,  but there's no way around it!  You have to be able to take on the world at any given moment and handle it with the grace and patience that we want our children to emulate.  I can't change the adults in the world.  I can't force them to be more patient or to do things a certain way.  I can only hope to be a strong enough presence in my children's lives that they remember the way that I have learned to manage stress and learn from it.   My life has come a long way from self medication, pharmaceutical medication,  and panic attacks that stopped me from experiencing life.  Once I realized that I needed to be stronger and better for them,  I found ways to make that happen and to find peace with it all.   I love to be able to work through these things with other parents to help them find their balance as well.   But first things first moms and dad's,  you have to get your stuff together in order to take care of the rest!!  Let's find the way to do that.  You're kiddos deserve that and so do you!!!

Hope that helps sometime and I'd love to hear about the tips you have to share as well!

<3 Lisa Fickenworth